On Infatuation and Admission

So, I did something. Something women find hard to do.

I told my crush of 4 years that I actually have a crush on him.

It took me almost a year to tell him that. Why did I do that? you ask. I did that because I thought I couldn’t move on without me telling him. Why, again? Because the thought of being into him for 4 years is unsettling. It didn’t let me sleep ever since I transferred universities. I felt the need of telling him, just to hush my thoughts. I don’t know about you, but for me, this is the most liberating thing I have done. I have done what other women are scared of doing, even trying.

Admitting to your crush how you feel about him is, yes, scary for most of us women. Mostly because we, most often than not, fall into the friendzone than succeeding. In my case, I initially set forth friendzone after admitting. I know some of you will get frustrated but, hang on.

This brings us to the next reason: women gets easily emotional (like negatively emotional) when we get rejected, especially when feelings matter. Of course no one wants to be rejected, but sometimes or oftentimes we don’t get mutual feelings. I was prepared for that. So, before I admitted, I told myself that this might not end up like a fairytale. Screw fairytales. This is the real world. I’ll be okay whatever happens.

More often than not we get subjected to humiliation. I’ve been there. I know some of you have been there, irregardless of the gender. If I wasn’t Emma Watson or Mila Kunis then they’ll just laugh at me.

There’s this awkward stage between you and the guy. Right now I can’t have that awkward moments because we’re miles apart and I did that over the internet. Well, I wish I did that face-to-face, to see his reaction. But if it did happen face-to-face, it would’ve feel awkward. I just don’t know why. Maybe because he doesn’t know how to handle such information? Maybe because she’s regretting such act?

I told some of my friends about this act and they told me that I was so brave in admitting to my crush. Yeah, I was scared for the first 5 minutes after pressing that enter button, but later on as I was waiting for the reply I wasn’t scared. I was happy. I’m happy I did it. It felt like a huge weight was removed from my chest. Then I realized that us women can do it too. It’s okay to admit first, and it’s okay to get hurt a little. At the end of the day, we’ll get up and move on with life. As they say, there are tons of fishes in the sea. But if the fishes in the sea looks like a blobfish……….never mind.

I learned two things from this experience. Yes, you can’t always get what you want. Second, I learned that it’s hard to do something, but if it does you good, then by all means do it. Let’s celebrate beauty and love. Let us celebrate that we are a diverse, united people; that we are born to appreciate each others’ uniqueness; that we are born to love, no matter where you are, no matter who you are.

Now, I wanna say something for that guy. I wanna say thanks. Thank you for making me happy even though you didn’t know you did. Thank you for existing. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t know that I have a brave soul living in this cavity.

For the guys out there, you better thank those people who would tell you that they have a crush on you. You better thank their appreciation for your existence.

For the ladies, you can do this. You can tell him that you appreciate his existence. Whatever happens, it will be okay, as long as you have shared the love and goodness that you ought to share to the world.

That’s all. I wish you all the PLUR in this Earth. 🙂


Cinemas and etiquette

It’s Friday night. I just passed my final revised thesis proposal in the Political Science department. I’m with my friends. So we’re out to chill.

Later on. Me and my friend, Janice, decided to watch Captain America: The Winter Soldier. So, we’re inside the cinema, waiting for the movie to start.

When the movie started, we were blessed to have 2 high school girls beside us. And we were so blessed because they can’t seem to shut the fuck up. People around us, including me, kept on hushing them, but to no avail.

So, the ultimatum came. There are these 2 high school girls, who kept on talking about God-knows-what out loud inside the cinema while the movie is going on. [Spoiler alert: If you haven’t watch the movie yet, you better stop reading. If you already watched it, then carry on if you must.] Then this scene where they show that Nick Fury is still alive came, then this one girl looked at her friend and said ‘SEE?! I TOLD YOU HE’S ALIVE!’ out loud.

No shit, Sherlock.

I got irritated and replied, ‘SHUT UP!’ in the most bitchiest, sassiest way I could.

They shut up.

So, I think I won that time, ’cause everyone around us laughed. Laughed at the fact that someone has finally owned the noisy ones.

But, unfortunately, they didn’t get the memo and still was noisy until the end of the movie. Suckers.

Sorry, but I assumed that having an etiquette is implied. I assumed that everyone in this world knows how to behave in public, especially in cinemas. Turns out, I am wrong. I have come across these kids before, still in the cinemas. It makes me ask questions: what happened? Did they ever listen to their parents? Where are their parents? What are their parents doing? Are the parents too busy to work to satisfy the wants of their kids? It’s fucked up, dude. It’s fucked up.

I am surprised. When I was 13 I knew how to behave in public. I knew how to respect each person’s space. 13 year olds these days barely know how to behave. Hell, they even look like college students! Have we fucked up? Or are we that fucked up? I think not.

It’s not wrong to talk in the cinemas. Just make small, hushed talks with your friend. But not like you’re having a conversation in a park or somewhere open.

Also, parents, please. I’m no parent but, please, guide your child like how your parents guided you. Teach them how to respect. Respect has no expiration date. Respect is not just until our generation. It should be in everyone’s moral list. If they don’t listen, then, you need some power play in there. Bring back the respect and balance it with care and love.

Kids, please. Your parents are not your servants. They are your guides. I repeat, YOUR GUIDES. If you keep on asking them to buy you this or that, then you are missing the greatest things in life: Family. Also, MORALS. Learn how to respect each person in this Earth. Learn how to behave in this Earth. Mind you, it’ll take you to good place.

It’s just disappointing, really. How high schoolers behave these days. All the early drinking, smoking, partying, misbehaving. Tsk. It’s not fucking cool, believe me.