On Infatuation and Admission

So, I did something. Something women find hard to do.

I told my crush of 4 years that I actually have a crush on him.

It took me almost a year to tell him that. Why did I do that? you ask. I did that because I thought I couldn’t move on without me telling him. Why, again? Because the thought of being into him for 4 years is unsettling. It didn’t let me sleep ever since I transferred universities. I felt the need of telling him, just to hush my thoughts. I don’t know about you, but for me, this is the most liberating thing I have done. I have done what other women are scared of doing, even trying.

Admitting to your crush how you feel about him is, yes, scary for most of us women. Mostly because we, most often than not, fall into the friendzone than succeeding. In my case, I initially set forth friendzone after admitting. I know some of you will get frustrated but, hang on.

This brings us to the next reason: women gets easily emotional (like negatively emotional) when we get rejected, especially when feelings matter. Of course no one wants to be rejected, but sometimes or oftentimes we don’t get mutual feelings. I was prepared for that. So, before I admitted, I told myself that this might not end up like a fairytale. Screw fairytales. This is the real world. I’ll be okay whatever happens.

More often than not we get subjected to humiliation. I’ve been there. I know some of you have been there, irregardless of the gender. If I wasn’t Emma Watson or Mila Kunis then they’ll just laugh at me.

There’s this awkward stage between you and the guy. Right now I can’t have that awkward moments because we’re miles apart and I did that over the internet. Well, I wish I did that face-to-face, to see his reaction. But if it did happen face-to-face, it would’ve feel awkward. I just don’t know why. Maybe because he doesn’t know how to handle such information? Maybe because she’s regretting such act?

I told some of my friends about this act and they told me that I was so brave in admitting to my crush. Yeah, I was scared for the first 5 minutes after pressing that enter button, but later on as I was waiting for the reply I wasn’t scared. I was happy. I’m happy I did it. It felt like a huge weight was removed from my chest. Then I realized that us women can do it too. It’s okay to admit first, and it’s okay to get hurt a little. At the end of the day, we’ll get up and move on with life. As they say, there are tons of fishes in the sea. But if the fishes in the sea looks like a blobfish……….never mind.

I learned two things from this experience. Yes, you can’t always get what you want. Second, I learned that it’s hard to do something, but if it does you good, then by all means do it. Let’s celebrate beauty and love. Let us celebrate that we are a diverse, united people; that we are born to appreciate each others’ uniqueness; that we are born to love, no matter where you are, no matter who you are.

Now, I wanna say something for that guy. I wanna say thanks. Thank you for making me happy even though you didn’t know you did. Thank you for existing. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t know that I have a brave soul living in this cavity.

For the guys out there, you better thank those people who would tell you that they have a crush on you. You better thank their appreciation for your existence.

For the ladies, you can do this. You can tell him that you appreciate his existence. Whatever happens, it will be okay, as long as you have shared the love and goodness that you ought to share to the world.

That’s all. I wish you all the PLUR in this Earth. 🙂


My Filipino Assignment

Ok. This is my Filipino Assignment and I have to encircle the sentences that has some ‘tayutay’s in it. But before anything else, I want to share this funny assignment that I have.

We’ve been friends for a long time ago. We come from the same alma mother. Actually, our paths crossed one time on another. But it’s only now that I gave him a second look. I realized that beauty is in the eyes. The pulp bits of my heart went fast, really fast. Cute pala siya. And then, he came over with me. He said, “I hope you don’t mine. Can I get your number?” Nag-worry ako. What if he doesn’t give it back? He explained naman na it’s so we could keep intact daw. Sabi ko, “Connect me if I’m wrong, but are you asking me ouch?”

“The?!”….ang sarcastic na sagot niya.

Aba! The verb! Parang siya pa ang nagalit! Persona ingrata! Ang kapal niya!

I cried buckles of tears. Na-guilty yata siya. Sabi niya, “Isipin mo nalang na this is a blessing in the sky.”

Irregardless daw of his feelings, we should go ouch na rin. Now, we’re so in love. Mute and epidemic na ang past. Thanks God we swallowed our fried. Kasi, I’m 33 na and I’m running our time.

After two weeks, he plopped the question. “Will you marriage me?”

I’m in a state of shocked! Kasi mantakin mo, when it rains, it’s four! This is true good to be true. So siyempre, I said “Yes.”

Love is so many splendor. Pero hung inaayos ko na ang aming kasal, everything swell to pieces. Nagdi-dinner kami noon nang biglang sa harap ng aming table, may babaeng humorist ng, “Well, well, well. Look do we have here.” What the fuss! The nerd ng babaeng yon!

She said they were still on. So I told her, “Whatever is that, cut me some slacks!” I didn’t want this to get our hand kaya I had to sip it in the bud. She accused me of steeling her boyfriend. As is!!! I don’t want to portrait the role of the other woman. “Gosh, tell me to the marines!” I told her. “Please, mine your own business!” Who would believe her anyway?

Dahil it’s not my problem anymore but her problem anymore, tumigil na rin siya sa panggugulo. Everything is coming up daisies. I’m so happy. Even my boyfriend said liketwice. He’s so supportive. Sabi niya, “Look at is this way. She’s out our lives.”

Kaya, advice ko sa inyo, take the risk. You can never tell. Just burn the bridge when you get there.

A Day To Remember…And Reflect Upon

Remember this day. November 16, 2012. The second time I got drunk, and wasted. So wasted.

I’ll start by telling you our U-Nite.

It’s the University Night. Everyone was there. Bands from different colleges were playing. I was there. Then one of our friends gave me a mock cocktail. Everything was fine. Perfectly fine.

Then after, as usual (and as the tradition of College students), we went out to have some drinks. We were in this pub called Figola and had some shots. After a little later, the friends of one of our friends came over and met them. They were undeniably cute, believe me.

Then the climax. We went to this club named Alchology (great name for a club, yeah?) and went dancing. We were just 4 of us remaining, so we savored the moments. Why I called this the climax?

Here’s the story.

I was dancing on the wall when this guy locked me on it. I looked at him and he moved in closer. He asked me something but the only thing I could reply was ‘What?’. For real I cannot hear anything he says. Then later on I heard what he was asking me. He asked for my name. I told him. ‘Tasha.’ Then he grabbed my arms up to his shoulder and glided his hands under my shirt. If you think I wasn’t on my senses that time, well, I was. I put down my hands and shoved his out of my bare skin. He looked at me and I looked back. I don’t know what he was thinking but he decided to close the gap between us. He was really close. So close that I could smell his perfume. Then I felt he was pulling the collar of my shirt. Then I knew he was peeking on my breasts. For some unknown drunk reason I was waiting for him to kiss me on the neck or somewhere but he was delaying. I don’t know why (I know I sound like a bitch.). I looked over his shoulder and I saw my guy friend (well, he’s actually gay but he can help). I tugged his sleeve and he saw me stuck on that guy. He pulled me and I was free. That was crazy.

I know I sound like a bitch or, worse, a slut, but I have just allowed that guy to do that to me. Things like that would happen, if only the got was hot or handsome. But, forget it.

The point of all of these is, I don’t want this to happen to anyone of you, readers. If ever you drink, don’t drink like crazy, or like me. I want you to be safe. Don’t ever drink senseless. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you, like this. I don’t care if you’ll forget me, just remember to drink responsibly. Don’t ever think about me, just think about yourselves.

I care for you. In fact, for everyone.

part of my story: the really cool fight scene-Tanya Sanchez versus Joshua Stewart

Writer’s note: this fight scene will be included in my new story, Redeemer. the story is about a prima ballerina who transfered to a new place where her graceful side will be challenged. surrounded by hiphop dancers and enthusiast, Tanya (the prima ballerina) will get to meet Chase Mallore (the mysterious guy in her eyes), the leader of the famous dance group in L.A., the East Side Motel Gang. they then fall in love with each other. soft to hard. will Tanya let Chase realize that he’s holding a crystal vase? or will Tanya realize it’s time to change course?

now, for the really cool fight scene….


“Hey, are you sure you’re mom’s not going to be frenzied in what you are doing?” Chase asked his girlfriend. “Mom knows when and what time I go home.” Tanya said, leaning on the lighted post. Chase leaned on the brick wall and said, “You know, it’s getting to be silent. It’s almost twelve midnight. Aren’t you scared?” he said. “Nope, I can fight.” she answered. “A prima ballerina can fight? Kapoera?” he teased. “Stop joshing me around Chase! It’s almost midnight.” she said, half-realizing that it’s one minute to midnight. “Well, had fun?” he said, reminiscing the memories on the bar. “The music’s still rings my ears.” she said. Chase turned his head when he heard some heavy footsteps. About 5 people. “That may be the people from the bar.” he said. But Tanya’s heart was pummeling in her chest. She sensed some danger. “Chase, are you sure that it’s just the people in the bar?” she asked in a scared voice. “You scared? Come.” he extended his hand and she leaned by his side. The footsteps we’re getting louder. They could hear the murmurs.  “That may be them.” a familiar voice said. Tanya gasped some air. Could that be Josh?

“There you are.” the voice said. “What do you want?” Chase said, standing up straight and putting Tanya behind him. “What do we want? Hmm…the girl.” the voice said then he stabbed Chase straight to his side. Blood flowed out from the wound and Chase fell, clutching the knife. “Come with us, Tanya.” the voice said. “No I won’t!!!” Tanya shouted and kicked the boy in his crotch. “Ow! You insolent girl! Tim! Help me in here!” the boy said. Then Tim got her arm and held her tight. Chase struggled to stand up and save Tanya. “This-is-for-you-freak!!!” Chase put all his remaining effort to stab the stranger but the knife just cut the stranger’s arm. “Ouch! You! James! Beat him up!” the big guy, James, beat Chase up. “Chase! No!” Tanya screamed and cried “Help!!!” from the bottom of her lungs. The police siren was heard from the scene. “Uh-oh. Guys, run now!” the leader said, then they all ran. “Chase! No!” she put pressure on his wound. “Tanya, if anything happens, just leave me here. Go home.” Chase said with his remaining strength. “No, I will defy you this time Chase. I would.” The police went near them and carried Chase to the police car. Tanya got her purse a foot away from the scene and she saw a dog tag. “Joshua Stewart. I’ll really kill you now!” she hissed and went to the police car.

Chase and Tanya was rushed to the emergency room. He was so pale that he’s loosing a great expanse of blood. Tanya cried even though she is in a state of shock. “Excuse me miss but is your boyfriend’s name is Joshua Stewart?” the nurse asked her. “No. My boyfriend’s name is Chase Mallore. Joshua Stewart is the enemy.” she said through gritted teeth. “Oh, okay. Thank you.” the nurse said. “Tanya!” Cheska came bursting out of the emergency room’s door together with Trace, Jay and the East Side Motel Gang. “We heard the news. How are you?” Trace asked her. “Chase’s loosing a great amount of blood.” she said, clutching the dog tag with anger. “What’s this?” Jay pointed at the dog tag. “Our enemies identification tag.” she said in fury. Tanya stood up and went to the hospital’s corridor. “Hey, Tanya! Wait!” Jay said and Trace, Katrina and Cheska followed her.

“I can’t help to see Chase suffer like that!” Tanya’s mood shifted to agony, “He can’t die!” she weeped. She then heard the same heavy footsteps coming from the end of the hospital’s corridor. Tanya became hot, her ears became red and then she hyperventilated. “Are you okay Tanya?” Katrina asked her. The footsteps became louder. She looked at the source of the footsteps and stood up quickly to punch the owner of the footsteps. “You damn person! How can you do this to me!” she hollered to the man. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Tanya” Josh said. Trace and Jay are already holding Tanya to prevent further damage. “I don’t know what I’m talking about?” Tanya struggled and threw the dog tag to Josh will all her might, “What’s that? That’s yours, stupid! You should be in New York this time! But where are you? Here in Los Angeles! To what? Kill your idol! You are such a moron!” she yelled again. Josh was just as calm as the air outside the hospital, feeling the victory inside him. “Oh, I killed my idol? Is that what your angry for, Tanya?” Josh said. “What do you think, Joshua Stewart? You just did that to try to get me! Nincompoop!”she spat. “Really? Don’t you forget that you are New York’s finest prima ballerina? Don’t you forget that.” Josh said, a hint of anger in his voice. “And you are one of N.Y.’s greatest hip-hop dancers Joshua! And you’re now a criminal! You’re breaking the name of MMAC, Mr. Stewart.” she hissed. “Tanya?” her mom arrived in the hospital. “Oh, hi Mrs. Sanchez. You’re daughter is having a-Ouch!” before he finished his sentence, Tanya struggled from the two boys and punched Josh straight to his nose bridge. “Tanya! Stop it!” her mom was the one grabbing her now. “Get-him-out-of-my-face!” she stuttered and the boys grabbed him back at the emergency room. “Katrina, what happened here?” her mom asked Katrina. “That Josh almost killed Chase.” she answered. Tanya’s sobs became loud. “You mean Joshua Stewart?” she said and the two girls nodded.

Drunk Dialing

3 am.

* phone rings *

“Man, it happened. You were right. I should’ve listened to you. He broke my heart. I thought I was the only girl he loved. He told me that. You know that he told me that. I believed in him. I gave up everything just for him. Time, effort, hopes, dreams. All! I regret everything now. I don’t know what to do. I was really thinking that I was his one and only princess. Didn’t know there was another one. I was just having half of his love, or, worse, 40% of it. Why does it need to be us?

“I found it out. I saw him in a coffee shop, holding a girl’s hand. You were right. It was that girl. They were doing things we were doing. I stood and looked at them from a distance. The moment their lips met, I wanted to die. Why me?

“I’m sorry. I should’ve listened. But I was submerged in the world we thought we had.

“You were so good. You weren’t just a friend, you were my brother. You cared for me like I cared for him. It’s crazy but I just realized you’re the nice guy I wanted.

“You’re so good. Fuck it, why aren’t you my boyfriend?”

The Wanted Live In Manila 9-14-12

Hello there!

[This is a post dedicated to all my fellow TWFanmilya, as we call ourselves. :)]

So, this coming September 14, 2012, the sexiest British boy band will be in town! No need for any guesses because The Wanted is the only sexy boy band alive (I welcome rebuttals but for me they are the sexiest boy band alive). And because I love my mates, here are some crazy tips. (It’s up to you to follow or trash them. You know I’m a bit weird. And this is also applicable to any concert you wish to attend.)

  1. Keep calm and breathe – you know some people tend to forget their breathing and later on they faint. Don’t forget to breathe. Relax.
  2. Bring water – very, very, VERY important.
  3. Charge every gadget that you have to use – of course no one will forget that.
  4. Don’t bring a bag – the tendency is, it might get squished or (God forbid) someone might steal something from the inside.
  5. Wear close shoes – you don’t want people to break your toenails, do you?
  6. Use codes and put your parents on speed dial – if something bad happens (or whatever).
  7. Meet other fans beforehand – this is a good thing to do.
  8. When you’re in the venue, check and remember the emergency exits
  9. Make sure you’re jumping on concrete
  10. ENJOY! It’s one of the best things that’s happening in your life!

Those are all. I wish all the fun in the world for those who are going to the concert. I’ll meet them next time. For now I’ll jam with Franco, Up Dharma Down and Gloc9. 🙂

Trust Mothers, You’ll Never Fail

I already got the essentials in getting a guy in life. And I got them from  my mother.

I present to you my mother’s ‘You know it’s him’!

You know it’s him…

  1. when he’s deeply interested in you.
  2. when he likes every bit of you, albeit your weirdness.
  3. when he can’t stop talking to you.
  4. when he lets you cram up his hair.
  5. when he catches up with you.
  6. if he’s not feeling the awkwardness in an awkward situation you two are in.
  7. when he doesn’t care on how you look.
  8. when, at the sight of him, you always smile.
  9. when he cares for you and being an all-gentle guy.
  10. when he doesn’t want you to say good bye, even if you need to go home. Just say, ‘see you soon’ then he’ll be ok.

So, these are the 10 wise words from my mother. It would be nice and proper to share it all to you.