#Prose: January 11, 2015

I don’t know what made me fall in love with you.
Must be your smile. Your laughter. Your voice.
Must be the way you run your hand through your hair.
Must be your humor. Your twisted words.
Must be the sensation when your hand pressed to mine.
Must be the gaze you give me when you want to say something but you just can’t bring yourself to do it.
Must be the way you see the world. It’s beautiful.
Must be your chill soul.
Or must be just you. In general.

I don’t care. I’ve fallen. And I’m going to love everything that you are.

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#Prose: January 30, 2015

I am a time bomb.
I am a passionate lover.
I could break glass and let you see
That intensity of my feelings
Through it.
My words are weapons. I could
Make or break destiny.
I could create fire within you
I could also freeze to death
I could break stuffs
My emotions are fiery and wild
I am a time bomb.
I will explode any minute from now.

#Prose: January 27, 2015

Must be good waking up next to you.
Seeing your sleepy, clueless eyes. Smiling because you have this blank look when you wake up like you don’t know what year you’re in already.
Running my fingers over your fuzzy, messy, bed hair.
Having your arms around my waist, spooning me and burying your face into my curls.
Tugging your white shirt like it was my blanket.
That’s all I want to see in my mornings. All I want is to be in your arms when I wake up.

#Prose: January 27, 2015

There are certain songs that make me think of you.

Most of these songs give me that feeling in my guts. That kind of feeling of seeking the sensations I get when our skins get in contact.

Most of these songs are songs you play in your car. And every time I hear these tracks I remember our moments.

Most of these songs remind me of how much I want you. How much I want to be with you.

Most of these songs show me the look in your eyes every time I say ‘goodbye’ or ‘see you around.’

These are the songs that remind me that I have fallen passionately in love with you.

#Journal: January 12, 2015

Day 2 of my-heart-aches-whenever-I-think-of-you. And I don’t know why I feel this way. Maybe because I want to see you. But I am scared that the pain would sear me alive when I see you. But I just want to see you again. I want to hear your voice or your laughter.

I know we’re not yet officially together or whatever but I already managed to get attached to the thought of you. I know that it’s kinda a bad thing. That’s why I am praying for you. I am lighting a candle for you. In every bunch of incense, I burn, one is for you. And I hope that God would hear me as He sees the smoke rise to the heavens. Yes, I am desperate, but it’s my only hope. You are my only hope.

You, _____ ________.

#Prose: January 11, 2015

I don’t know what made me fall in love with you.

Must be your smile. Your laughter. Your voice.

Must be the way you run your hand through your hair.

Must be your humor. Your twisted words. Your scent.

Must be the sensation when your hand pressed to mine.

Must be the gaze you give me when you want to say something but you just can’t bring yourself to do it.

Must be the way you see the world. It’s beautiful.

Must be your chill soul.

Or must be just you. In general.

I don’t care. I’ve fallen. And I’m going to love everything that you are.

#Journal: January 7, 2015

After the diagnosis, remember how jaded I was. Last Monday, I randomly walked to the Guidance Counselor and signed an appointment on the afternoon of the next day. And, yes, I did talk to the GC yesterday for no reason at all. I just felt like talking. And I realized stuff.

First, I realized that I’ve been holding things back. There have been abstractions that held me back. And that’s true. I am always scared of doing things. That’s why I don’t have the confidence. Then again, I have a feeling that I needed affirmation in things I do.

Second, I deny feelings. Especially this whole love thing. Every time I fall in love I would deny it, and that happened way back before. Now, I am trying to listen to my guts. To trust my guts. Now, I am admitting that I am in love with this guy named _____ ________. No holds the bar. I am admitting it to myself. Maybe, something good will happen.

Third, and last, I still see nothing in my future. For real, I am still not sure of it.

Overall, I’m still searching for that/those uncertainties. My life is a never-ending search for answers.