On Infatuation and Admission

So, I did something. Something women find hard to do.

I told my crush of 4 years that I actually have a crush on him.

It took me almost a year to tell him that. Why did I do that? you ask. I did that because I thought I couldn’t move on without me telling him. Why, again? Because the thought of being into him for 4 years is unsettling. It didn’t let me sleep ever since I transferred universities. I felt the need of telling him, just to hush my thoughts. I don’t know about you, but for me, this is the most liberating thing I have done. I have done what other women are scared of doing, even trying.

Admitting to your crush how you feel about him is, yes, scary for most of us women. Mostly because we, most often than not, fall into the friendzone than succeeding. In my case, I initially set forth friendzone after admitting. I know some of you will get frustrated but, hang on.

This brings us to the next reason: women gets easily emotional (like negatively emotional) when we get rejected, especially when feelings matter. Of course no one wants to be rejected, but sometimes or oftentimes we don’t get mutual feelings. I was prepared for that. So, before I admitted, I told myself that this might not end up like a fairytale. Screw fairytales. This is the real world. I’ll be okay whatever happens.

More often than not we get subjected to humiliation. I’ve been there. I know some of you have been there, irregardless of the gender. If I wasn’t Emma Watson or Mila Kunis then they’ll just laugh at me.

There’s this awkward stage between you and the guy. Right now I can’t have that awkward moments because we’re miles apart and I did that over the internet. Well, I wish I did that face-to-face, to see his reaction. But if it did happen face-to-face, it would’ve feel awkward. I just don’t know why. Maybe because he doesn’t know how to handle such information? Maybe because she’s regretting such act?

I told some of my friends about this act and they told me that I was so brave in admitting to my crush. Yeah, I was scared for the first 5 minutes after pressing that enter button, but later on as I was waiting for the reply I wasn’t scared. I was happy. I’m happy I did it. It felt like a huge weight was removed from my chest. Then I realized that us women can do it too. It’s okay to admit first, and it’s okay to get hurt a little. At the end of the day, we’ll get up and move on with life. As they say, there are tons of fishes in the sea. But if the fishes in the sea looks like a blobfish……….never mind.

I learned two things from this experience. Yes, you can’t always get what you want. Second, I learned that it’s hard to do something, but if it does you good, then by all means do it. Let’s celebrate beauty and love. Let us celebrate that we are a diverse, united people; that we are born to appreciate each others’ uniqueness; that we are born to love, no matter where you are, no matter who you are.

Now, I wanna say something for that guy. I wanna say thanks. Thank you for making me happy even though you didn’t know you did. Thank you for existing. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t know that I have a brave soul living in this cavity.

For the guys out there, you better thank those people who would tell you that they have a crush on you. You better thank their appreciation for your existence.

For the ladies, you can do this. You can tell him that you appreciate his existence. Whatever happens, it will be okay, as long as you have shared the love and goodness that you ought to share to the world.

That’s all. I wish you all the PLUR in this Earth. 🙂


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