Most os us, if not all, would proceed to get a degree after high school. Well, in my generation’s case (or maybe in my culture’s case), it is mandatory. Mandatory because K+12 is not yet implemented and people will look down on you if you don’t have a degree.
But wait, it’s not just an ordinary degree. You NEED to have a degree that would give you a nice pay after Uni, whether you like it or not. Whether you like it or not, you are forced to study that. No turning back. If they allow you…you lucky one.
Some of us would study away from homes. Like me. We have a lot of reasons. My reasons were because ‘the course that I like(d) was in Cebu therefore I’ll study there’ and ‘I don’t want to deal with the same immature people I have dealt with during high school. Nope.’ During the process, there are regrets. Regretting is inevitable.
Yes, I do regret. Not that I regret studying away from home, but that has some advantages too. I regret getting the program.
International Relations and Foreign Service. Yeah it sounds real grand. Sacrifices are real grand too. Stress levels are damn real grand. Unimaginable. Four years ago I did not think about it very well. I just picked that out because I ‘might get a high paying job after’ (lies), ‘it sounds cool’ (just wait ’till you get IN it), ‘it’s an unusual course’ (truth), and ‘I think I could do this’ (barely). I was not warned of the dangers it brings. As an adventurous person, I dived head on into the program. Three years later, I’m struggling underwater because my oxygen tank is getting low.
Well, the reason behind this decision was because of economic factors. If money were not to talk about, I would take up Music Production or Creative Writing or Mass Communication or Cinematography. Unfortunately and albeit my great talent on those, I was not allowed to take any of those because they were ‘no-brainer’ programs. I am crying now. If I took up any of those programs, I’m already in the Dean’s List. DON’T YOU FORGET THAT.
Now you might want to know my situation. My skills in creative writing and drawing are hampered because I keep on using the part of my brain for analysis. I keep on dwelling with the facts that I got lost in it. The zest of creativity is fading. I don’t even have time to practice any musical instrument because this current program I have does not give me time. Time management, you say? IT DOES NOT EXIST IN THIS WORLD ANYMORE.
I keep up on my grades because of the retention policy. I eat, sleep, wake up, do the same things all over again. Talk politics, talk about the very dry politics. (I am a Political Science student but why am I saying this?) But honestly, I am a mediocre at most times. Because my heart is not in it. I have grown bitter over it. I had too much. I know three years is not that long but for me it is. It is slowly killing me. I work just for the grades. I work too much that I envy National University – Singapore and how they grade people by their skills and talents and not too much on standardize exams.
But the good thing is, I am not studying in my home turf. Here in Cebu, I could feel the stress and the burden on my shoulders. I am not healthy. My shoulders would hurt, felt like I’m carrying some heavy stuffs on my shoulders. My breathing is not even. My chest would suddenly become heavy with no reason at all. I am always tired despite my workout sessions in the gym. In Davao, I won’t feel these things. That is a good thing. I am stressed in only one area in this world. Imagine if I’m studying in Davao, I would probably kill myself by then. So stop telling me that these are because of my hormones. Let us not blame everything on hormones. There are other factors aside from hormones, and of course it is NOT because my period is coming.
The title is a bit misleading. I’ve been talking about the woes of studying in a University for the whole time. Well, probably my woes. But I’ll leave it that way for a while. To be honest I’m not feeling that well. And don’t tell me to get some fuckin’ tea because I already had a hundred cups of tea and I am still not calm.
I just wanna go up in a mountain and scream, tbh.