There’s this thing I have in the past that I’m not happy about it…

So, it was just a normal night for me. I have done two sketches already and I decided to go scroll through Twitter. I was nonchalantly reading people’s tweets until a retweet had managed to hit me.

Screen Shot 2014-01-16 at 11.32.18 PM

First I was like:

Photo on 1-17-14 at 12.00 AM #2

Then I was like:

'Made me think, bro.'

‘Made me think, bro.’

Then finally I was like:

'I iz sad.'

‘I iz sad.’

Realized that statement was true. Charge to experience.

I am a woman, and I got hurt. A lot. Might not be physically but emotionally. And, no, it’s not through break-ups. While I was growing up in my city I was bullied a lot, especially during high school. That fact was some kind of fact that, my mother will always tell me, is ‘a kind of fact that you should not tell anyone because it seems like you are also degrading yourself.’ Every time I hear that it always make me go:

face palm

or

face palm 2

Does anyone here not tell anyone about their bullying past?!

I mean, I am not proud nor happy that I was bullied. But telling someone is my way of venting out. It’s been 3 years since I got out of what I call my ‘hell’ aka high school but I still hold grudges against those bullies. Because of the bullies I now yearn for pain, which is a bad thing. I once became so depressed that I had thought of suicide. Yes, I reached to THAT point. I held up a cutter and let it lie on my wrist. Yes, I was THAT dramatic. But it was painful, and that pain was pleasant for me. Was. Those were the days I forgot how to assume. Those were the days when I shove boys away if I see that they are interested in me. But unfortunately, those days are still these days.

I try to learn assume, like a Pokemon that has just evolved. But it’s hard. People always say ‘don’t assume too much, you might not like the end.’ What if we start thinking positively here? ‘Be fearless and assume, something good might happen.’ All those bullying years has dampen my ability to be a positive person. It has scarred me too much. Now that I’m in Uni, I try my very best to think positive. Think happy thoughts!

Now for dealing with boys. Come on. How do you people do that? It looks so easy but it’s so daaaaaamn hard. Do I just say hi or what? And, seriously, when I was in high school every appreciation that I receive I just whip them away because most of them were mocks from bullies.

I tell my bully story because I want to let people be aware that bullying exists. Even if we always campaign for it, people might forget it. We need to be reminded that the bully culture will never, ever fade away. Well, maybe it will fade away like Pitch Black in the last part of Rise of the Guardians but it will always be there. For the victims like me, this is a learning process of healing. If one of our skills were dampened, we relearn them as we grow up. We should also remember that an end to our life is not the answer to everything. As for the ones who are being bullied right now, remember, there are more people out there who loves you. Hey, that bully might be one and hella bulky, but how many loved ones do you have? A lot. You’ve got your parents, friends, favorite teacher, grandparents. If you can’t take it anymore, you can always seek help and cry. Your sexuality does not matter. Cry if you need to.

So, that’s it. Lastly, don’t forget to smile and fuck ’em haters. 😉

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