There’s this thing I have in the past that I’m not happy about it…

So, it was just a normal night for me. I have done two sketches already and I decided to go scroll through Twitter. I was nonchalantly reading people’s tweets until a retweet had managed to hit me.

Screen Shot 2014-01-16 at 11.32.18 PM

First I was like:

Photo on 1-17-14 at 12.00 AM #2

Then I was like:

'Made me think, bro.'

‘Made me think, bro.’

Then finally I was like:

'I iz sad.'

‘I iz sad.’

Realized that statement was true. Charge to experience.

I am a woman, and I got hurt. A lot. Might not be physically but emotionally. And, no, it’s not through break-ups. While I was growing up in my city I was bullied a lot, especially during high school. That fact was some kind of fact that, my mother will always tell me, is ‘a kind of fact that you should not tell anyone because it seems like you are also degrading yourself.’ Every time I hear that it always make me go:

face palm

or

face palm 2

Does anyone here not tell anyone about their bullying past?!

I mean, I am not proud nor happy that I was bullied. But telling someone is my way of venting out. It’s been 3 years since I got out of what I call my ‘hell’ aka high school but I still hold grudges against those bullies. Because of the bullies I now yearn for pain, which is a bad thing. I once became so depressed that I had thought of suicide. Yes, I reached to THAT point. I held up a cutter and let it lie on my wrist. Yes, I was THAT dramatic. But it was painful, and that pain was pleasant for me. Was. Those were the days I forgot how to assume. Those were the days when I shove boys away if I see that they are interested in me. But unfortunately, those days are still these days.

I try to learn assume, like a Pokemon that has just evolved. But it’s hard. People always say ‘don’t assume too much, you might not like the end.’ What if we start thinking positively here? ‘Be fearless and assume, something good might happen.’ All those bullying years has dampen my ability to be a positive person. It has scarred me too much. Now that I’m in Uni, I try my very best to think positive. Think happy thoughts!

Now for dealing with boys. Come on. How do you people do that? It looks so easy but it’s so daaaaaamn hard. Do I just say hi or what? And, seriously, when I was in high school every appreciation that I receive I just whip them away because most of them were mocks from bullies.

I tell my bully story because I want to let people be aware that bullying exists. Even if we always campaign for it, people might forget it. We need to be reminded that the bully culture will never, ever fade away. Well, maybe it will fade away like Pitch Black in the last part of Rise of the Guardians but it will always be there. For the victims like me, this is a learning process of healing. If one of our skills were dampened, we relearn them as we grow up. We should also remember that an end to our life is not the answer to everything. As for the ones who are being bullied right now, remember, there are more people out there who loves you. Hey, that bully might be one and hella bulky, but how many loved ones do you have? A lot. You’ve got your parents, friends, favorite teacher, grandparents. If you can’t take it anymore, you can always seek help and cry. Your sexuality does not matter. Cry if you need to.

So, that’s it. Lastly, don’t forget to smile and fuck ’em haters. 😉

Why Are You My Bacon Strips

Writer’s Note: I actually wrote this in my journal last December 17, 2013 before Christmas break. I just found the opportunity to post this now.

Das me. Pre-show :)

Das me. Pre-show 🙂

It’s been, like, 4 days since I went to Manila for Zedd and Madeon. And it’s also been 4 days since we all are suffering post-concert depression. Until now we’re still thinking about it, talking about it, over the social network. It was one of my magical experience, my sweetest escape.

Ze Philippines' EDM crew :) (L-R) KrewellaPH, ZeddPH, MadeonPH, ZeddPH, and PRobinsonPH (Photo credit: @keralagresa)

Ze Philippines’ EDM crew 🙂
(L-R) KrewellaPH, ZeddPH, MadeonPH, ZeddPH, and PRobinsonPH
(Photo credit: @keralagresa)

People ask me how was it. I always answer them in two parts. And for this blog I’ll also have two parts in describing that night.

Zedd and Madeon

I was so stoked to see Zedd and Madeon. I mean, BEYOND stoked. When Madeon got out, oh my gosh, I can’t believe that the French Electronic Prince is just meters away from me. That black leather varsity jacket is just meters away from me. I went wild when he started his set with Technicolor. And I couldn’t believe it that he’s mixing and making music with his Launchpad and I’m seeing it with my own eyes – LIVE! I also went crazy when he did his Pop Culture. It was the greatest moment of my life, seeing Hugo do Pop Culture live, and listening while he’s doing it live is much better than just listening to it in YouTube or in your phone. He ended his set with Finale. Very apt. I went cray.

Madeon muchos guapo. :) (Photo credit: @keralagresa)

Madeon muchos guapo. 🙂
(Photo credit: @keralagresa)

For Zedd. Gosh. Magical. It was push-button mix but I felt ecstatic when he dropped his Legend of Zelda mix, my favorite song of his. He also played most of his songs, giving priority to his chart-topping songs Clarity, Spectrum, and Stay The Night. But I was kinda sad when he didn’t play Shave It Up.

Zedd ft. the Filipinos (Photo credit: Rukes)

Zedd ft. the Filipinos
(Photo credit: Rukes)

Overall, it was worth my money to be there. We also get to meet Gabe Damast, the guy behind those amazing visuals on Zedd’s set. Such an adorable guy. Before 2013 ended, he followed us who met him in Manila.

The People

Oh my gosh. To be frank the people (or crowd) bothers me. first we had a rift with the management because they didn’t grant the promised meet-and-greet (as discussed over Twitter direct message) for us admins of ZeddPH and MadeonPH. To be technical about it, we should have been there because we were the ones who endorsed the concert since day one, and we know much more about Zedd and Madeon than the other people in the venue. (Well, except for those who follow those accounts) We know all their songs, their signature sound, and their music labels. Even their tour managers. We stayed for long in the venue but we didn’t get to meet any of the 2 guys. Except for Gabe.

Gabe's curls get the girls :) (Photo credit: Art Oca of Hyve)

Gabe’s curls get the girls 🙂
(Photo credit: Art Oca of Hyve)

The crowd made me confused. For real. When we were walking to the venue we were expecting everyone’s in their rave outfit. But when we got there, we looked like first world homeless people compared to majority of the people there. Everyone were wearing long gowns, high heels, suit and tie and shits like that. I was so ready with my flower crown and these people are wearing formal outfits?! Moment of Clarity ought to be a rave, not a wedding or a debut.

Now, during Madeon’s set, it was so quiet. No one knew Madeon’s songs aside from us and our followers. Total bullshit. They only cheered for Daft Punk’s Aerodynamic, which is part of Madeon’s Pop Culture. I’m so sad that they did not see the beauty of Hugo’s Pop Culture. See my tears.

On Zedd’s set, holy shit, I was expecting a lot of people jumping around whenever the beat drops but what happened was only a number of people jumped. WTF? The crowd wasn’t as energetic as I expected. And there were more down time from the crowd. They only went wild on 4 songs – Clarity, Stay The Night, Spectrum, and Empire of the Sun’s Alive.

Days after, I saw the photos from Rukes and the Hyve’s Art Oca and I noticed that people on most of the set time were just taking videos or pics of the stage. I guess they were just there to show it in their Instagrams or on Facebook. But we were there for the music. I don’t actually know how to feel.

 

I’ll just forget about the latter part, even though we hardcore EDM fans are all disappointed about the meet and greets. Overall it was an exciting experience for me. Flying to another city without any parent’s consent and skipping a day of class. I might do this again next time.

I SPY! Look for a girl who has a flower crown on that crowd! (Clue: See that Dad on the right? I'm on the left side of that Dad) :) (Photo credit: Rukes)

I SPY! Look for a girl who has a flower crown on that crowd! (Clue: See that Dad on the right? I’m on the left side of that Dad) 🙂
(Photo credit: Rukes)

Days later, I checked my Twitter at the middle of the night and my Interactions went crazy. Checked it and it was the EDM crew, telling me that Rukes actually got a pic of me raising my sign. I was flabbergasted. I couldn’t believe it. I had the honor to be part of Rukes’ great DJ photography gallery. (Even though my face isn’t there but at least a part of me was there)

Not that Zedd is that shit on an underwear, but Zedd is as hot and tasty as a bacon. Nomnom. OMG (Photo credit: Rukes)

Not that Zedd is that shit on an underwear, but Zedd is as hot and tasty as a bacon. Nomnom. OMG
(Photo credit: Rukes)