Gold and Roses

People give flowers as present because flowers contain the true meaning of Love. Anyone who tries to possess a flower will have to watch its beauty fading. But if you simply look at the flower in a field, you will keep it forever, because the flower is part of the evening and the sunset and the smell of damp earth and the clouds on the horizon.”

– Brida, Paulo Coelho

As you noticed on my previous post I didn’t elaborately relate to you what happened before that 1:30 pm class started. I wish to separately describe what happened, as there are some things that need to be cleared.

I said that when my friends and I returned to school, one of my friends approached this guy in the coffee shop on the 4th floor. I heard her say ‘Let’s just do it later.’ I knew something was up. Why I knew?

1. She just talked to him right now in front of me.

2. She keeps on giving clues on what’s going to happen over our lunch.

3. I saw that guy in the coffee shop. He rarely stays there.

4. I’m getting paranoid.

During my paranoia attack, I didn’t know where to go. Then I saw my friend who got involved in a car accident passing excuse letters to our teachers with her mother. I ran to her and had a little chitchat. After that, I decided to stay in our Cebuano Politics classroom and hangout there with our teacher. Later on 2 of my friends entered the room. Then after a little while the girl who is being said has been (or currently being) courted by that crush of mine arrived. Then this crush of mine passed by and one of my friends screamed his name inside the room, making this rumored girl turn back and look outside (yes, I was observing her actions. Not because I’m jealous or whatever, it’s just I wanted to see her reaction. I’m curious.).

Later on, about 10 minutes before 1:30, my friends started going to our 1:30 pm classroom, which is Religion. I went out with them and I saw this guy getting inside our classroom. That I knew I’ll be caught off guard. So I tried calling one of my guy friends for some buffers and also I can have my hands on my guitar so I wouldn’t freak out so much (or faint or get a stroke or whatever). Unfortunately he’s not yet in the building so, swell.

The bell already rang it’s first warning. I told myself, ‘Okay. This is now or never. Fuck what happens inside there. Whatever happens will happen.’ So I decided to get inside. I was bracing myself for the most shocking thing in my whole life.

He was sitting on the platform with my friends, then when I got in, he saw me and picked up a bouquet of 12 roses beside him and gave it to me and wished me a happy birthday. I received the bouquet and socially awkward girl strikes again. He was reaching out his hand and I didn’t know what was that for. I kept on smiling and saying thank you and I think he also didn’t know what to do with a girl like me. I’m such a SAG (Socially Awkward Girl).

So, what are the things that needed some explanations? Tons. Right now, I’ll tell you what I think about that event.

First of all, he’s just a crush of mine. Nothing else. As we all know having a crush on a person is like admiring that person for what that person has, either talent, physical looks or whatsoever. In the dictionary, a crush is ‘a brief but intense infatuation for someone, esp. someone unattainable or inappropriate’ (Source: New Oxford American Dictionary). By that statement it implies that my admiration to that guy will wane. It would not last for a long time. And he’s not the only guy in this world for me to have a crush on.

Second, I don’t think he was the one who bought those flowers. It’s impossible. Yesterday I was just nothing for him then suddenly he’s there with a bouquet? Pshaw. I knew my friends were the ones who bought those and they just asked him to give it to me so it’ll look like it came from him. Cool story, bro. Tell it again.

Third and the last, I’m out of the game. I’m going to say this here. He might see this (or they might see this), but this is the only thing that I can do to claim back my petty brittle confidence, I’m going to take it back when I said I have a crush on him. It won’t be good, but that’s the only thing to make me feel good. The surprise was cool, but I need to get back to my self. So to all you girls who like him, you can have him. He’s ALL yours. That’s how I love you, girls out there.

You might think the opening quote contradicts with what I’ve written above. By the word ‘love’ I mean those people who actually bought the flowers. Call me evil for disowning him throughout this post. After this, I don’t want to think about it anymore, even though the bouquet sits on my desk and I’m thinking of ways on how to get a big vase to store and try to preserve that for 2 weeks or so (water with brown sugar works, and air conditioned rooms). And I’m also presenting the true meaning of giving flowers. You might also think why this post is entitled as such. During our Religion class (that’s 1:30-3:00 pm), I was fiddling on the petals while singing The Wanted’s ‘Gold Forever’. I sang that song not because I wanted to treasure that moment (which in fact to be honest I wanted to treasure that moment), but because there were specks of gold on the bouquet.

I sound so negative towards what happened. I am aware of that. But all in all, I am grateful for the day. I thank God for giving me another chance, and a chance to look like I just saw a ghost in front of my crush. All smiles aboard!

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