Career NO-pportunity

I was scrolling through Yahoo! when I stumbled upon this article: Four Foolish Majors To Avoid. So, as a curious hummingbird as I am, I clicked on the link and read the article, and to my surprise, my degree program is there.

I am a Political Science major, and it belongs to the liberal arts same with History, Sociology and the others. And in the list it is in the very first bullet. My career opportunity goes down from 85% to 10%. I felt like I was holding on to a thread, trying not to fall on the volcano’s crater.

At the first place, why did I even choose Political Science? I have a lot of reason. This bring us to my debate between me and my parents.

I always wanted to be a musician or a writer. I was more on the skills, as I observed in the bankable careers, most people who excel are the skillful ones. Long story short, my parents don’t want me to take up music technology or performing arts or creative writing.

So, scratch that. They told me to get a degree that can save my life. I thought on the degrees of the elders in our family. We have lots of lawyers. But I really want to travel the world. I could get agricultural engineering, but that will throw me to the department in this country that has a low budget, I have to ask forgiveness from my grandfather who’s already in the heavens for that. I also can’t be a doctor because I hate science and blood freaks me out. I just decided to become a Political Science major.

But wait! It isn’t JUST a political science major, but an International Relations and Foreign Service major. And going back to the opportunity scale, from 85% it’s down to 60%.

Why? Because, in this degree, you are trained to become the think tanks and your country’s lawyers. By country’s lawyers I mean diplomats. The opportunity scale dwindles down to 45%. Again, why? It is so specific. And after you graduate from college you have roughly 3 choices: take the Foreign Service Officer exam; go to Law school, or; be a professor; in which I am now considering 0 of the choices. I don’t want to go to Law school because I don’t want to defend the wrong. (based on experience. I cried inside the court because the victim’s case was dismissed. But I was just in the audience. I didn’t do the defending and stuffs.) I don’t want to be a professor because as time goes by it becomes mechanical and I couldn’t catch the attention of the people if I’m just talking in front of them. (How I knew that? No one’s listening to me when I report school stuffs but when I sing all eyes and ears are on me. Not boasting but it’s just the truth and nothing but the truth.) Nothing new. Should I take the FSO exam? I don’t think so.

Now, I am about to finish my second year in this degree. What fuels me to continue? My parents are paying for my college education, so why would I waste my time here?

Basically what is my point? My point, or ‘points’ rather, here is that nowadays the employable degrees are the ones that focus on skills and skills alone. A little brain, to be quite honest. All you need to have are those skills. What skills? Your talents. Another, my parents, as Asians as they are, are so focused on the Academic aspect of life. Having a degree is very important to Asians that it becomes a superficial thing. Thirdly, lawyers have their lives at stake, especially when your client’s opponents are the big ones. When you are a lawyer, it seems like you are also digging your own grave. True story. Our neighbor, who is a lawyer, told me that. So, no thanks. Fourth, being an FSO means that you’re representing your country abroad. Sounds cool but for me it’s mechanical. You just walk, go to meetings, talk about the foreign policies, issues and events. Just that. It is as bland as eating rice alone. And lastly, the world changes every minute of our lives. In every breath we take, there are a lot of changes that are happening around us. If we want to be like our grandfathers who travelled a lot during their youth, let’s reflect upon it. Do we want his degree or just the fact that he’s traveling all around the world? If you want the former, then go. No one’s stopping you, my friend. But if we want the latter, then choose a degree that is correlated to your interests and skills and go for that degree. Don’t commit my common mistake.

Regretting is a waste of time. If you already did it, then why not just get something good out of it. Like me. I’m having good grades because I just want to impress my parents. (I know that’s a negative motivation but what can I do? Asians.)

I should have taken up Music Technology and be a producer.

If you want to learn the other 3 degrees not to earn, click here.

My Filipino Assignment

Ok. This is my Filipino Assignment and I have to encircle the sentences that has some ‘tayutay’s in it. But before anything else, I want to share this funny assignment that I have.

We’ve been friends for a long time ago. We come from the same alma mother. Actually, our paths crossed one time on another. But it’s only now that I gave him a second look. I realized that beauty is in the eyes. The pulp bits of my heart went fast, really fast. Cute pala siya. And then, he came over with me. He said, “I hope you don’t mine. Can I get your number?” Nag-worry ako. What if he doesn’t give it back? He explained naman na it’s so we could keep intact daw. Sabi ko, “Connect me if I’m wrong, but are you asking me ouch?”

“The?!”….ang sarcastic na sagot niya.

Aba! The verb! Parang siya pa ang nagalit! Persona ingrata! Ang kapal niya!

I cried buckles of tears. Na-guilty yata siya. Sabi niya, “Isipin mo nalang na this is a blessing in the sky.”

Irregardless daw of his feelings, we should go ouch na rin. Now, we’re so in love. Mute and epidemic na ang past. Thanks God we swallowed our fried. Kasi, I’m 33 na and I’m running our time.

After two weeks, he plopped the question. “Will you marriage me?”

I’m in a state of shocked! Kasi mantakin mo, when it rains, it’s four! This is true good to be true. So siyempre, I said “Yes.”

Love is so many splendor. Pero hung inaayos ko na ang aming kasal, everything swell to pieces. Nagdi-dinner kami noon nang biglang sa harap ng aming table, may babaeng humorist ng, “Well, well, well. Look do we have here.” What the fuss! The nerd ng babaeng yon!

She said they were still on. So I told her, “Whatever is that, cut me some slacks!” I didn’t want this to get our hand kaya I had to sip it in the bud. She accused me of steeling her boyfriend. As is!!! I don’t want to portrait the role of the other woman. “Gosh, tell me to the marines!” I told her. “Please, mine your own business!” Who would believe her anyway?

Dahil it’s not my problem anymore but her problem anymore, tumigil na rin siya sa panggugulo. Everything is coming up daisies. I’m so happy. Even my boyfriend said liketwice. He’s so supportive. Sabi niya, “Look at is this way. She’s out our lives.”

Kaya, advice ko sa inyo, take the risk. You can never tell. Just burn the bridge when you get there.

Course of Life

Curriculum Vitae (noun) - a brief account of a person’s education, qualifications, and previous experience, typically sent with a job application.

Now that I’m in one of the serious years in college, second year, our track adviser keeps on telling us to work on our curriculum vitae. She also told us to make blogs and define our spot in the cyber world. This makes me think. What have I’ve been doing in the cyberspace? In this light, I am willing to assess my accounts.

For the record I have 9 active accounts in different sites. I have my Facebook, as everyone has one, Twitter, this WordPress account, MySpace, SoundCloud, Ask.fm and Formspring, Polyvore, and Tumblr. I will describe each of my accounts.

Facebook

• This is the only account where I am so clean. Why? Because of my teachers and my parents and other relatives.
• You can say that I am fake, but I can’t just go loose myself in this site or else I’ll be bashed.
• I don’t really stay for a long time in this site. I just log in and check what’s up and close the tab.
• I talk about music and fashion and creative writing here.

Twitter

• Aha. Twitter. The place where I can do virtually anything.
• My relatives follow me there but I think they don’t care about the things I say in there.
• The most vulgar site I ever have. (Not really)
• The real me is here.
• I mostly talk about music: listening or making music.
• I also talk about fashion.
• I am apolitical sometimes.
• Employers won’t see this appear in Google when they’ll look up for ‘Natasha Carpina’

WordPress

• My online journal.
• I talk about the things that happen to me. Mostly not related to school.
• A place where I express my half-hearted regret on choosing my college path.
• I talk about music, and how I badly want to be in it.

MySpace

• We all know what’s in MySpace: music. So, basically I post my covers here.

SoundCloud

• A producer once said ‘If you want producers to see you, post your songs in SoundCloud.’ (Holla to Zedd), so this is the place where my musical goddess plays.
• My secret sanctuary.
• A place where I express myself musically.

Ask.fm and Formspring

• These are example of sites where people submit questions for you to answer.
• It’s like my Twitter account, I just answer stuffs.

Polyvore

• A site where I integrate fashion and music.
• Also one of my secret sanctuaries.

Tumblr

• My dreams in photos.
• It is like Twitter and WordPress and Photobucket combined.
• Mostly music and fashion.
• You wouldn’t see this appear under ‘Natasha Carpina’

Now I feel a little lost. My curriculum vitae consists of things related to fashion and music. What do you think my future employers who are in the field of foreign affairs will think of me?

This leaves me a question: Am I really born to be in the IRFS arena?

 

 

A Day To Remember…And Reflect Upon

Remember this day. November 16, 2012. The second time I got drunk, and wasted. So wasted.

I’ll start by telling you our U-Nite.

It’s the University Night. Everyone was there. Bands from different colleges were playing. I was there. Then one of our friends gave me a mock cocktail. Everything was fine. Perfectly fine.

Then after, as usual (and as the tradition of College students), we went out to have some drinks. We were in this pub called Figola and had some shots. After a little later, the friends of one of our friends came over and met them. They were undeniably cute, believe me.

Then the climax. We went to this club named Alchology (great name for a club, yeah?) and went dancing. We were just 4 of us remaining, so we savored the moments. Why I called this the climax?

Here’s the story.

I was dancing on the wall when this guy locked me on it. I looked at him and he moved in closer. He asked me something but the only thing I could reply was ‘What?’. For real I cannot hear anything he says. Then later on I heard what he was asking me. He asked for my name. I told him. ‘Tasha.’ Then he grabbed my arms up to his shoulder and glided his hands under my shirt. If you think I wasn’t on my senses that time, well, I was. I put down my hands and shoved his out of my bare skin. He looked at me and I looked back. I don’t know what he was thinking but he decided to close the gap between us. He was really close. So close that I could smell his perfume. Then I felt he was pulling the collar of my shirt. Then I knew he was peeking on my breasts. For some unknown drunk reason I was waiting for him to kiss me on the neck or somewhere but he was delaying. I don’t know why (I know I sound like a bitch.). I looked over his shoulder and I saw my guy friend (well, he’s actually gay but he can help). I tugged his sleeve and he saw me stuck on that guy. He pulled me and I was free. That was crazy.

I know I sound like a bitch or, worse, a slut, but I have just allowed that guy to do that to me. Things like that would happen, if only the got was hot or handsome. But, forget it.

The point of all of these is, I don’t want this to happen to anyone of you, readers. If ever you drink, don’t drink like crazy, or like me. I want you to be safe. Don’t ever drink senseless. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you, like this. I don’t care if you’ll forget me, just remember to drink responsibly. Don’t ever think about me, just think about yourselves.

I care for you. In fact, for everyone.

part of my story: the really cool fight scene-Tanya Sanchez versus Joshua Stewart

Writer’s note: this fight scene will be included in my new story, Redeemer. the story is about a prima ballerina who transfered to a new place where her graceful side will be challenged. surrounded by hiphop dancers and enthusiast, Tanya (the prima ballerina) will get to meet Chase Mallore (the mysterious guy in her eyes), the leader of the famous dance group in L.A., the East Side Motel Gang. they then fall in love with each other. soft to hard. will Tanya let Chase realize that he’s holding a crystal vase? or will Tanya realize it’s time to change course?

now, for the really cool fight scene….

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

“Hey, are you sure you’re mom’s not going to be frenzied in what you are doing?” Chase asked his girlfriend. “Mom knows when and what time I go home.” Tanya said, leaning on the lighted post. Chase leaned on the brick wall and said, “You know, it’s getting to be silent. It’s almost twelve midnight. Aren’t you scared?” he said. “Nope, I can fight.” she answered. “A prima ballerina can fight? Kapoera?” he teased. “Stop joshing me around Chase! It’s almost midnight.” she said, half-realizing that it’s one minute to midnight. “Well, had fun?” he said, reminiscing the memories on the bar. “The music’s still rings my ears.” she said. Chase turned his head when he heard some heavy footsteps. About 5 people. “That may be the people from the bar.” he said. But Tanya’s heart was pummeling in her chest. She sensed some danger. “Chase, are you sure that it’s just the people in the bar?” she asked in a scared voice. “You scared? Come.” he extended his hand and she leaned by his side. The footsteps we’re getting louder. They could hear the murmurs.  “That may be them.” a familiar voice said. Tanya gasped some air. Could that be Josh?

“There you are.” the voice said. “What do you want?” Chase said, standing up straight and putting Tanya behind him. “What do we want? Hmm…the girl.” the voice said then he stabbed Chase straight to his side. Blood flowed out from the wound and Chase fell, clutching the knife. “Come with us, Tanya.” the voice said. “No I won’t!!!” Tanya shouted and kicked the boy in his crotch. “Ow! You insolent girl! Tim! Help me in here!” the boy said. Then Tim got her arm and held her tight. Chase struggled to stand up and save Tanya. “This-is-for-you-freak!!!” Chase put all his remaining effort to stab the stranger but the knife just cut the stranger’s arm. “Ouch! You! James! Beat him up!” the big guy, James, beat Chase up. “Chase! No!” Tanya screamed and cried “Help!!!” from the bottom of her lungs. The police siren was heard from the scene. “Uh-oh. Guys, run now!” the leader said, then they all ran. “Chase! No!” she put pressure on his wound. “Tanya, if anything happens, just leave me here. Go home.” Chase said with his remaining strength. “No, I will defy you this time Chase. I would.” The police went near them and carried Chase to the police car. Tanya got her purse a foot away from the scene and she saw a dog tag. “Joshua Stewart. I’ll really kill you now!” she hissed and went to the police car.

Chase and Tanya was rushed to the emergency room. He was so pale that he’s loosing a great expanse of blood. Tanya cried even though she is in a state of shock. “Excuse me miss but is your boyfriend’s name is Joshua Stewart?” the nurse asked her. “No. My boyfriend’s name is Chase Mallore. Joshua Stewart is the enemy.” she said through gritted teeth. “Oh, okay. Thank you.” the nurse said. “Tanya!” Cheska came bursting out of the emergency room’s door together with Trace, Jay and the East Side Motel Gang. “We heard the news. How are you?” Trace asked her. “Chase’s loosing a great amount of blood.” she said, clutching the dog tag with anger. “What’s this?” Jay pointed at the dog tag. “Our enemies identification tag.” she said in fury. Tanya stood up and went to the hospital’s corridor. “Hey, Tanya! Wait!” Jay said and Trace, Katrina and Cheska followed her.

“I can’t help to see Chase suffer like that!” Tanya’s mood shifted to agony, “He can’t die!” she weeped. She then heard the same heavy footsteps coming from the end of the hospital’s corridor. Tanya became hot, her ears became red and then she hyperventilated. “Are you okay Tanya?” Katrina asked her. The footsteps became louder. She looked at the source of the footsteps and stood up quickly to punch the owner of the footsteps. “You damn person! How can you do this to me!” she hollered to the man. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Tanya” Josh said. Trace and Jay are already holding Tanya to prevent further damage. “I don’t know what I’m talking about?” Tanya struggled and threw the dog tag to Josh will all her might, “What’s that? That’s yours, stupid! You should be in New York this time! But where are you? Here in Los Angeles! To what? Kill your idol! You are such a moron!” she yelled again. Josh was just as calm as the air outside the hospital, feeling the victory inside him. “Oh, I killed my idol? Is that what your angry for, Tanya?” Josh said. “What do you think, Joshua Stewart? You just did that to try to get me! Nincompoop!”she spat. “Really? Don’t you forget that you are New York’s finest prima ballerina? Don’t you forget that.” Josh said, a hint of anger in his voice. “And you are one of N.Y.’s greatest hip-hop dancers Joshua! And you’re now a criminal! You’re breaking the name of MMAC, Mr. Stewart.” she hissed. “Tanya?” her mom arrived in the hospital. “Oh, hi Mrs. Sanchez. You’re daughter is having a-Ouch!” before he finished his sentence, Tanya struggled from the two boys and punched Josh straight to his nose bridge. “Tanya! Stop it!” her mom was the one grabbing her now. “Get-him-out-of-my-face!” she stuttered and the boys grabbed him back at the emergency room. “Katrina, what happened here?” her mom asked Katrina. “That Josh almost killed Chase.” she answered. Tanya’s sobs became loud. “You mean Joshua Stewart?” she said and the two girls nodded.

the betrayal…TANYA SANCHEZ versus CHASE MALLORE

Note: This is an excerpt of my long-going story that doesn’t have any title. I wrote this and published a part of this in the world wide web 3 years ago.

Chase approached Tanya after her group’s performance. He then placed his arm over her shoulders and whispered to her ear, “I can’t believe it you can be wild in the dancefloor.” Chase began caressing his lips on Tanya’s left side of her face. “Hey, cut it out Chase!” Tanya said, wrapping Chase’s hips with her left arm. “Why can’t I? I’m your boyfriend.” he said while locking Tanya on the wall. “Yeah, I know that. ” Tanya touched the tip of Chase’s nose. “Well, why don’t you kiss me?” Tanya smiled and kissed him on his cheek. “Nah. Not their. Here.” Chase pointed at his lips. “It can wait.” Tanya said, tossing her arms at Chase’s neck. “I’m not patient to wait such time.” Chase moved closer to Tanya. “Oh, yeah right.” Tanya said, letting her hand run on his hair. “I know you want it.” Chase seduced her. “Haha for now.” Tanya smiled and really kissed Chase. On his lips. Chase responded immediately, in sync with Tanya’s.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

“Hey! Where have you been?” Trace asked the two. “Somewhere out there. Martini please.” Chase said and asked the bartender for a Martini. “Really?” Trace said. “Yeah. Really.” Tanya said, carrying a Tiger’s blood. “Have you sipped your cocktail?” Trace asked her. “It’s still virgin.” Tanya said and sipped the cocktail. Trace smelled something fishy. Tanya’s lips are too red to be. So do Chase’s. “Do you two have fever?” Trace asked them. Tanya bit her lower lip and faced Chase, who licked his lips. “Nah. Maybe it’s just too hot in here. Chase, I’ll look for Cheska.” Tanya lied and went out.

…another chapter……………………………………………………………………………………..

Tongue-twisting. Lip-licking. Tanya was so disturbed. She wants more, but she didn’t want to do it again with Chase. He’s too harsh. A fast mover. She can’t go on Chase’s pace. She’s too fragile to handle. Tanya leaned her back on the wall. She now stays on an empty hall on East Chil Bar. Luckily, there’s more breathing space. Se hears a pair of footsteps, hopes it’s Jay’s. Light blinded her and she heard her name. “Anya? Is that you?” the voice said. “Yeah, it’s me.” she said, closing her eyes. “Oh. Jay here.” Jay said while going near her. “Any problem?” he asked her, locking her again on the wall. “I’m fine.” Tanya said. “Sure?” Jay said. “Ok. I think I’m going to break my mind.” Tanya sighed. ‘Me too. I think I’m about to loose. Out of control.” Jay said, tracing Tanya’s lips. This is a good sign. “Why?” she shrugged. “Dunno. Maybe…” Jay run his fingers on Tanya’s face, “…I’m just longing for something.” Tanya smirked, “Your girlfriend?” she said. “No. No girlfriend since birth.” Jay smiled. “Soft, kissable lips. Beatiful.” Jay traced Tanya’s lips again. Tanya braced herself for the onslaught of Jay’s kisses. Jay lifted Tanya’s hand with his free arm and placed it on his lips. Tanya traced his lips too and let her hand fall on his chest. Tanya opened her eye and found Jay just inches from her face. Jay touched her nose with his lips. Tanya placed her arms on his shoulders, moving him closer to her body. Jay then embraced Tanya on her hips. “How come you’v decided to do this?” Tanya asked him. “‘Cause I’ve sensed you kinda need this thing.” Jay kissed Tanya, and she responded. Unlike Chase, Jay handled her carefully. Moving gently as he could. Jay glided his hand on Tanya’s chest, feeling he heart beat fast. ‘Will he go farther?’ she thought. ‘He might, but he won’t.’ her conscience answered her own question. Tanya pulled Jay closer to her, feeling his heart move on it’s place. On the course of their action, Tanya heard footsteps, ‘Hope it’s not Chase.’ she thought and still continued to kiss Jay. The footsteps became louder. It was Chase. Chase looked at the hall where they were. He glanced to the couple. He walked backward and looked at the figure aggain. “Shit. Tanya.” he whispered and went down angrily.

Haikus About Poverty

haiku # 1

outside the window
looking down the ground
a swarm of bees

haku # 2

flies swarm
the plate of fortune
makes it go withered

haiku # 3

a net
floating adrift
without anythiong else on it

haiku # 4

dull circles
sitting on a chair
waiting to be caught

Drunk Dialing

3 am.

* phone rings *

“Man, it happened. You were right. I should’ve listened to you. He broke my heart. I thought I was the only girl he loved. He told me that. You know that he told me that. I believed in him. I gave up everything just for him. Time, effort, hopes, dreams. All! I regret everything now. I don’t know what to do. I was really thinking that I was his one and only princess. Didn’t know there was another one. I was just having half of his love, or, worse, 40% of it. Why does it need to be us?

“I found it out. I saw him in a coffee shop, holding a girl’s hand. You were right. It was that girl. They were doing things we were doing. I stood and looked at them from a distance. The moment their lips met, I wanted to die. Why me?

“I’m sorry. I should’ve listened. But I was submerged in the world we thought we had.

“You were so good. You weren’t just a friend, you were my brother. You cared for me like I cared for him. It’s crazy but I just realized you’re the nice guy I wanted.

“You’re so good. Fuck it, why aren’t you my boyfriend?”

Crazy Psychology

I’m no psychology major. But nowadays it seems that I’m one. Why?

For almost 2 years now my right hand is suffering carpal tunnel syndrome and this forces me to put tapes or bandages on my hand, which leads to public curiosity. When people ask me why I taped my hand, I always tell them the root reason why.

Here’s the story. 2 years before (I was a senior high school student that time) I was practicing some hand and head stands on my room, on the bed. Then when I was on the hand stand, I put my weight in a wrong side and, boom!, I sprained my right hand. That important hand. Then the week after that incident, my hand was still sore that I have to wrap it in bandage and I have to go to my gastroenterologist to have my tummy checked. Then when I arrived in her clinic, I got myself checked and she asked what happened to my hand, if I was a volleyball player and all. Then I told her I sprained it on the bed. That made her brows flying.

Then just this week. It got back again and I need to tape my hand. People were asking me and I told them that I sprained it in bed. Girls were thinking I got my hand squished in my own weight (which is true) and boys were thinking I had some le sexy time happening during the weekend (which I wished was true. No. I’m just kidding.).

So, to conclude. I sound like a Psychology major saying this to people to see their reactions to study it. Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you, my right hand.

(That just sounds so sexual.)

Strike 2

I always am a failure. Again, I dazed out in the middle of my speech in the Asian Parliamentary debate. In the first place I know I would fail because I don’t have a strong argument. Second, I don’t know what we really are talking about. Third, again I was not confident with myself. I should have learned on my first attempt but failed. One was bad and got worst.

This made me think. When in PolSci we keep on debating, will I survive? Can I debate without breaking down after? Can I debate and speak in front people with authority and conviction? I doubt it.

Since before, after high school, every time I speak in front of a crowd I never had a moment when my hands would go cold and shiver and my voice would falter. When they said one failure is enough to teach you. I’m on strike 2. When will I learn?

Maybe God doesn’t want me to speak in front. Or maybe He wants me to speak but I was just a sissy to stand up and speak without any hint of weakness?

Another question. Is this curriculum for me? I keep on pushing myself to this but what if I am not really for this? I keep doubting. Doubting on myself. Doubting on my capabilities.

Maybe I am not really for this. Or I am not sure.

This just shows that I don’t know myself. Until now.